Being yourself

One day back in December, I asked myself, what do I need right now?

I didn't have much clarity where I wanted my life to go next. In such moments, besides meditating, I go back to writing or painting or playing the organ.

I bought a couple of canvasses and started painting, asking myself the whole time, what do I need?

Art is that whisper inside, in your heart, in your energy, not your mind...but somewhere in your being, that wants to express something authentic, something that reflects that You, that you sometimes, don't know about, or have kept hidden, out of shame, of embarrassment, of too much modesty...out of many outdated beliefs that hinder your growth.

I remembered when I was a child I liked to run and jump whenever I was outside. I have this memory where my mom, an uncle and I were taking a walk around the park, they were behind me talking, I was skipping joyfully, it was almost sunset, I remember the sun right there in front of us, I felt very joyful. Then, I fell down, like I used to a lot back then, because my feet were pointed inwards. I hurt my knees...which wasn't anything new to me. It hurt but I rubbed my knees, got up and kept on skipping.

How many times has life thrown you down and you have stayed there for longer than you should?

I can say, I've been down there many times and many times I felt sorry for myself.

Lately, I've been thinking about that little girl I used to be. The joy I used to feel for the most simple things in life. 

So, I painted that canvas with what I needed...I needed to go back being that joyful self.

I needed to be who I am when nobody is looking. When I'm alone.

Authenticity and expression go hand in hand. We are covered by layers of false selves. The one we want to project, the one of how we want people to perceive us and so on and so on. Layers and layers of masks. It's a heavy burden.

Aren't we here in this current body to express the authenticity inherent to each one of us? 

And it comes to my mind this Freddie Mercury quote: Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be younger. But they will never be you.

So, that day back in December, I realized I wish to be myself, without the layers and masks, just like I was when I was a child.

Cmc.